March 13th 2023

Media reports about the alarming rates of sexually transmitted infections, gender-based violence, and teenage pregnancy are not uncommon. However, there is no need to go that far. If you are reading this article, and you are between 13 and 24 years old, the age group that according to neurology corresponds to adolescence, it is possible that you yourself or someone close to you have already been through one of these situations. What, though, does talking about teenage sex have to do with preventing these cases?

First, it is necessary to point out that THIS IS NOT A TEXT ABOUT HOW TO DO SEX. It is not a guide to sexual practices like the Indian Kama Sutra - although this is a beautiful book that aims to elevate the sexual act to a spiritual level. NOR IS IT A TEXT OF CURIOSITIES ABOUT ONE'S SEX LIFE. Sex is something very intimate between two (or sometimes more) people, and although the age of social networks has led us to believe that everything we do should be recorded and posted, this text aims to talk about the importance of privacy in the sexual act. The discussions and approaches in this article meet, foremost, with the personal development and self-knowledge of each young person. A frank and direct conversation, based on my personal reflections, on my studies about adolescence and psychology, and the observations made about my students. The text proposes to restore each person's power over their own body, to develop awareness of the rights of others over their bodies, and to demystify the subject of SEX, so that it ceases to be a taboo, since it is directly linked to self-esteem and the physical and mental health of the adolescent.

Once a place of intimate encounter between people, today sex is sold as a mechanical, instrumental, and often violent act. There are several problems that have resigned sex, and one of them is machismo. Contemporary societies suffer the consequences of having been founded on an essentially patriarchal worldview, where men enjoy certain privileges and rights that women do not have access to so easily. Men are encouraged to be strong, virile, and fearless, while women are expected to be fragile, delicate, and submissive. These masculine qualities are strongly pushed by the entertainment industry, and are easily seen in film productions such as the million-dollar sequel Fast and Furious. Female representations in movies, on the other hand, are more commonly of fragile and helpless girls, where only a man (or a prince) is able to save her. This view is portrayed in most Disney films prior to Mulan and Pocahontas, and also in romantic comedies, another genre, next to action, that leads the box office. Even though the mighty American animation company has set out to question its sexist history in films, it seems to be following a movement that it is unable to fight against. In this respect, credit must be given to the Japanese Studio Ghibli, which since the 1980s has emphasized the female role in its animations, making men helpers to the female protagonists instead of being their saviors. The film industry, heavily monopolized by the giant Disney, has shaped the way of Western thinking regarding the role of women in society, while superheroes (today Marvel is also part of the Disney group) reinforce for us the male savior role. The PIXAR films are generally the ones that discuss gender issues with the most depth and deconstruction. PIXAR is another studio bought by the Disney group. At this point, I run the risk of getting away from the central issue, moving on to a discussion about monopolies. However, this contextualization is precisely relevant for highlighting the importance of young people also consuming entertainment outside the dominant groups in the market. How many of you have seen the movies Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Kiki's Delivery Service or The Tale of Princess Kaguya? I would venture to say very few.

Even more aggressive than the commercial entertainment industry, another component that is dedicated to dictating standards of behavior is the porn industry. Today, with technology so accessible to young people, coming into contact with pornographic videos has become as easy and as dangerous as buying a bottle of soda. And this powerful industry is interested in only one thing: money. Porn sites reinforce many of society's sexist behaviors, such as gender violence and male power, and sell totally unrealistic body and beauty standards. When young people watch pornographic films, especially boys, they start comparing their body to that of the actor, with concerns such as: "I'm not as fit as him." "My penis is not as thick or as big." "Am I able to do what he does?"

Like Hollywood movies, pornographic films are in the same way representations of scenes by professional actors who follow the commands of a director. The positions, the lines, the way the people in the movies treat each other, is directly directed by the production. Therefore, it is necessary to keep something in mind: porn scenes are not real, therefore, they are not examples to be followed by those who watch them.

While these patterns of female and male behavior are obviously harmful for girls who grow up surrounded by stereotypes, they also harm the mental, physical and sexual health of boys, who are always in search of an idealized masculinity - to be strong, fearless, violent, not to cry, to have a fast car, a defined body and lots of money. Pop culture is directly related to men who grow up physically without ever fully going through a process of maturing into adulthood, living in an eternal childishness. We live in a reality that tells the young man that it is not welcome to cry, to show fragility, to have feelings. This leads us to the development of a toxic masculinity, where we men hurt each other and where homophobia is evidenced in acts of explicit physical and verbal violence or hidden in jokes and other forms of veiled violence. It also pushes us to hurt women, in real or symbolic ways. Do you wash the dishes in your house? Do you tidy your room? Do you do your laundry? Today, many girls refuse to do this certain type of domestic activity, something that is understandable when you live in a culture that encourages women to take care of the house and men to enjoy life and freedom. Girls are exhausted from cleaning the house while their brothers are out skating. Here we need to be clear about something: taking care of the house is the obligation of all the people who live in it and have the physical conditions to do so. These issues of male privilege are also carried into the bedroom, when in a heterosexual encounter, a man feels entitled over a woman's body. In a conversation with a 24-year-old who defines himself heterosexual, even though he has casual encounters with other men, he says: "I prefer to be with women because I feel more in control. Women are more submissive. When I'm with them, they open up like a flower." We notice in this statement once again the games of power of the masculine over the feminine, which is also found in relationships between two men, when the more delicate one or the one who plays the passive role in sex is seen as inferior, weaker. Some languages propose the term homoaffective relationships for same-sex relationships, but in the male case is often the absence of affection.

In case you are tired of reading, take a rest and come back later.

And what is a young person's sex life like in practice? A 2017 study by the medical school at USP (University of São Paulo) on the sexual behavior of young Brazilians revealed that the average first sexual act is at age 13. A very premature age that exposes a worrisome fact, since at this age the teenager's brain is still going through important developments, reaching its full maturity only at age 24, 11 years later. Added to this, we have that sex education in schools is practically nonexistent, being many times discouraged by political authorities, religious groups, schools and even parents. Another study, by UFRGS (Federal University of Rio Grande do Sul) in 2020 concluded that 85% of rape victims in Brazil are women, 70% are children or vulnerable, and almost 84% of the crime was committed by someone known to the victim. Although the media would have us believe that the danger of rape is on the streets, besides usually blaming the victim for the clothes she wore or behavior she exhibited before the crime, the real danger is inside the home. Therefore, the question remains, whose interest is it for young people not to have sex education in schools, thus knowing their rights and responsibilities?

TEXT: CLOSE: THE ROLES OF MASCULINITY IN ADOLESCENCE

It is still common practice, with predominance in the countryside, that the boy is encouraged to have sex as early as possible, and preferably with older girls or even adult women. Parents, uncles and cousins are often involved in this 'rite of passage'. The phrase "Now you're going to be a man, a real man!" is said before the boy has his first sexual encounter with the hired woman. Here we get into another question: is this compulsory sexual initiation of boys a form of rape? In societies based on patriarchy and machismo, sex for boys is seen as something that reinforces their masculinity, even if they are forced to start their sex life before they are ready or really want to.

But, after all, when is a young person ready to have sex? The answer is: it depends. Self-knowledge is one of the keywords for the young person who wants to know when to start having sex and how to do it in a healthy way. If it is possible to talk about sex with parents, caregivers or other family members in an open manner, without prejudices and taboos, this is the best option. But it is not the only option. The school can also be a place for sex education, even though there are many initiatives against the approach in the school environment. There is still professional help, with doctors and psychologists who can help young people understand their own bodies, the changes they are going through, teaching them, for example, about prevention methods against STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) and early pregnancy in adolescence. It is not advisable, however, to seek information independently on the Internet, because it is a space with a plethora of misleading and false information. Even more so if we think of social networks like TikTok, Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. People post whatever they want on the networks, without caring about the sources or the veracity of the content. To search for reliable information on the Internet, the first thing to do is to check the reliability of that source, and for this it is necessary that the young person has good digital literacy and critical thinking. It is also not a good idea to talk to peers of the same age, because other young people may be going through the same issues as you, and their sources may not be reliable at all. Some series and animations have set out to discuss the issues of sexuality on streaming platforms, such as the British series Sex Education, which features the protagonist, Otis, played by Asa Butterfield, a high school student and son of a sexologist who begins to offer sexual advice to other young people in high school. Many problems arise from this advice from someone who is not really an expert on the subject, while at the same time revealing typical teenage anxieties. The series is very careful with its themes, where the adults help in the maturing process of the youngsters. There is also the animation Big Mouth that follows the school routine of teenagers between 12 and 13 years old, who deal with the challenges presented by the transformations of their bodies and their sexual desires during puberty. This animation also has a special concern in dealing with such a complex and delicate subject in a playful and entertaining way. Puberty, for example, is frequently portrayed by horny hairy monsters. The series is far from being a real sex education class; this role should be played by the family and the school, but it is an interesting format that is filling the gap left by the often harmful morality in our society.

In this media war, we are all at the same time receivers and disseminators of information, so it is necessary to be very careful with what we consume and also responsible with what we spread. The young, most of all, are the ones who suffer the most amidst the bombardment of content on the Internet. Once again, self-knowledge is essential to protect oneself from immediate speeches that force the youngster to do something they don't feel prepared to do. In such a frenetic, fast-paced and chaotic world, the best advice I can give you, dear youngster, is: calm down, everything has its right time to happen. And the right time, with a lot of self-knowledge, only you can decide.

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